Week Twenty Eight: Objective dialogue, subjective description

I am a small dog and my people are not home and there are two of them but they are gone and I am here and things have happened and I HEAR FOOTSTEPS and oh God oh God oh God—

"Aw, Jesus."

"What?"

"He shit on the floor again."

Okay maybe that's one intrepretation the other being maybe that I was here alone and no one was present for designated Doody Time so I went okay I went and what else is there to go on but the floor and—

"Bad dog! Bad!"

OH GOD NO this is the worst thing I am terrible just kick me I deserve to be kicked or eaten or sat on please just do it—

"Ohhh he's cowering. Here buddy—"

ACK NO I DON'T WANT TO DIE! unless you are going to pick me up instead I like that very much but I am SO FULL OF ANXIETY RIGHT NOW that it will be the other thing and not tender face lickin'... oooooh... ooh is it... which is it... I might Wee Wee again if...

"Therrrre. It's okay."

"You're coddling him. Cesar Millan says—"

"Fuck Cesar Millan. He's clearly terrified."

"I'm terrified we're going to lose our deposit. Oh. Oh look. He also peed on my shoes."

Yeah okay I did that too they go together typically I mean think about it have you ever Doodied but not Wee-Wee'd also—

"BAD DOG!"

"Stop it! He doesn't know what he did."

I don't in the slightest know what I did very true thank you Person I Love I didn't at all know those were Shoes Belonging to Person I Fear okay fine so I did my sense of smell is very refined you know and those shoes are not subtle with their scents but was it intentional you might ask—

"Whatever. Enjoy cooing at him while I clean this up. At least he's got us trained..."

Well was it intentional do I do these things for a certain result namely this right here with the scratchin' and the lickin' and... ahhh yep right in that spot... Ahhhhhhhhh...!

What was I saying? I am a small dog and these are my people and is that doodie on the floor goodness that's disgusting I hope someone disposes of that in a timely THERE IS A LARGE DOG OUTSIDE THE WINDOW RIGHT NOW HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY!

...He is gone. What was I saying? I am a small dog.