J.A. Konrath loves to write... But do I?

From A Newbie's Guide to Publishing, the always-interesting blog by J.A. Konrath, who is a very successful indie author and vigorous spokesman for the self-publishing ebook revolution going on right now:

I love writing. I loved it for the 12 years where I didn't sell a single thing, and I've loved it for the 12 years I've been a professional. I have all the conceits that every writer has. I think about my characters as if they're real people. I dream about scenes. I secretly believe my stories are the best in the world. I laugh at my own jokes, cry at the emotional parts, and often dislocate my elbow patting myself on the back after a good bit of dialog or a fun twist. Being a writer does more than define me; it isn't a job, it's a way of life. And when I put my life out there for the world to see, I want it to be the very best that I am capable of. I want readers to enjoy it as much as I have. I want every chapter, every scene, every sentence to be deliberate, to convey exactly what I want it to convey.

Read the rest here.

My heart sank a little when I read this paragraph. To be fair, I do think about everything the way a writer thinks: I'm always looking for connections between things and what that connection could mean. I can't stop trying to form a narrative for my life and even the lives of others. Being a writer does define me in some way.

But do I love writing? Sometimes I do, but that's only after I've muscled past the starting point and through all the mental roadblocks I invariably set for myself. I don't usually make it far enough to get to the part where it's fun and not really, really hard work.

Konrath writes mystery thrillers, and you get the sense that he loves the genre. I bet that helps. Maybe it's that I still haven't found the sweet spot, which is partly why I started this blog -- to rediscover why I wanted to be a writer so badly in the first place. 

Maybe I'll come to the end of this realizing that writing is no longer my passion. But you can't know until you try, and for the first time in a very long time, I'm actually trying.