A LIBERAL INTERPRETATION OF THE TEXT
SETTING — A modern-day campaign office: two chairs and a desk.
CHARACTERS — JUDAS ISCARIOT and JESUS CHRIST.
AT RISE — JESUS sits behind the desk, rifling through some papers. JUDAS sits across the desk with a clipboard.
JUDAS: Okay, fine. But what about a gift shop?
JESUS: A gift shop.
JUDAS: Yeah, like, in the temple.
JESUS: You know I have very strong opinions about that.
JUDAS: So do I, believe me! There’s a lot of ways to show the big guy your love. Key chains, refrigerator magnets, tee shirts…
JESUS: You do remember that time I found a marketplace in the temple—…
JUDAS: You flipped some tables, yes.
JESUS: I flipped a great many tables. Why did I do that, Judas?
JUDAS: Commerce and religion and something. But that was other people. This would be our gift shop.
JESUS: Next.
JUDAS: Okay, well, I think you should come out strong against the gays.
JESUS: …Why?
JUDAS: Because homosexuality is an abomination?
JESUS: Did I say that? When did I say that?
JUDAS: I dunno. We just kind of inferred.
JESUS: I really never said that.
JUDAS: Okay. (beat) But it is, isn’t it?
JESUS: “Love thy neighbor…?” Are you actually listening when I speak or?
JUDAS: Well of course I listen! But what if your neighbor is a man who lies with another man and they do… man things… with each other?
JESUS: …Is he still your neighbor?
JUDAS: In that he lives near me?
JESUS: That’s what a neighbor is, yes.
JUDAS: Okay, but! Suppose he doesn’t live near me.
JESUS: …Is there anything else?
JUDAS: Jews. (JESUS just stares) Pretty awful, am I right? With their hairpieces and... funny words?
JESUS: For the love of—… I AM A JEW!
JUDAS: Maybe technically, but you’re not Jewish.
JESUS: I think you need to leave.
JUDAS (standing up to go): Alright, fine. But think about the gift shop. We’re still thirty silver short this quarter.
JESUS: God will provide.
JUDAS: Ha! That’s a good one. Seriously though: key chains. Think about it!
JUDAS leaves. JESUS bangs his head repeatedly on his desk.
END OF PLAY.